Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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