i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
