The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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