I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
