Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
