The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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