I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
