I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
