you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You dont lie about slip and slides
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
