Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
