can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
