The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
