Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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