dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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