so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
