just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
