i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My cat gives me a boner
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
