I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
