i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
