K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
