one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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