She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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