"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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