I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
