I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I need to align my fucking chakras
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
