My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
my liver is dry heaving
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
