So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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