Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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