I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
