therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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