Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
