It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
