I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
