smell my finger.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
