My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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