i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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