I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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