Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
