pop tarts are not kleenex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
