i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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