remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
