You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How does one acquire holy water?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
