I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
