we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
