in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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