it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It's blow job season.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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