My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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