he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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