Plan B is the new Plan A
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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