what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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