your parents love me but you hate me
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
