is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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