By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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