Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Randomize
