So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
