He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
