i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
