Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize