I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
