I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
