Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Shame is for Republicans.
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