Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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