where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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