let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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