today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
