im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
