We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
How's work?
Spinning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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