; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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