How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
