we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize