I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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